One of these dreams showed my concern for the modern church. I dreamt that our church had to relocate for a Sunday and the only place that we could use was the building for a mega-church. We expected to use a 10th of the facility. I remember walking in and seeing the place packed. Strangers were flooding in and I saw people that would never consider attending our church there. Our pastor was not in the pulpit, I saw few people I actually recognized. Through the whole dream I was uncomfortable. Have you ever felt that way? This strange and uncontrollable mixed feeling of fear and confusion. That is how I felt. Nothing was familiar. And yet, I knew that it was my church.
It seemed that everyone was only there because we were in a big facility. The words of the pastor didn't matter. As long as they felt a warm tingly feeling and left happy. The fact that I dreamt this is very interesting. I have had many conversations, lately, about the integrity of our perspective churches. And how quickly the body of Christ can be torn apart. It makes me pray for our leadership even more. I don't have anything to fear in our church. I see the holy spirit's work and am at peace with the wisdom of our elders. But I am terrified at what people outside of our church hear about us. It is something that has weighed heavy on my heart. It makes me ache. I wonder how fellow Christians can tear down the body of Christ so easily.
I am thankful that the men that lead me are more concerned about being biblical than being current. I woke up from that dream and knelt down, I asked God to guide me in biblical truth. I prayed that he would pull me from the temptations of being current and hip and that I would be reminded that His truth is what I need. I also prayed for my church. I prayed that the leadership would always be challenged in the truth of the bible and that nothing would sway them toward caring more about the church attendance numbers than that.
I dreamt last night that I was in a conversation with some girls I know. As we sat there (I felt like I was in a mall of sorts) some young men came up to us. I don't remember their faces or any feelings of familiarity. I do remember that there was a feeling of discomfort. They did now make me feel safe. When they sat down all of my friends got up. One of the young men specifically looked to me and started to ask me questions. As we talked I felt that there was a deep hurt in him. I don't know how, but I couldn't leave. I needed to stay and hear them. I looked to the girls as they walked away, they were not afraid they were acting in contempt. I knew then that they didn't like how these men looked, the girls were looking down their noses. I beseeched them (With my eyes maybe? I really don't know. The men didn't know that I had done it) to return to the table. They did return, but they said nothing, they acted bored. I talked more with the one young man, wondering what was hurting this poor soul. He said nothing about the pain. In fact, he acted as though he was trying to flirt. The dream ended there. I saw nothing more. Such a strange way to leave a story.
When I woke I wondered how I would act in reality. My challenge was to know how to proceed in my search to help. How do you reach down and address an issue that is hurting someone you don't even know? I was also struck by the actions of my friends. Why would they leave? Why would they act in that way? It baffled me about one of them. This young lady is more bold then I could ever dream of being. And yet I was the one that stayed. I believed that this dream was a way for me to calm my fears of sharing my faith. I have a passion to serve rape victims. Even with this passion I am terrified of not saying the right words or sharing the right things (I can be a loose canon at times). This dream showed a side of me I have never experienced outside of my interactions with friends. I know God has equipped me with everything I need. He gives me the words to speak.
I have had many other dream, many that I should not tell about. All of these dreams have challenged me in some way. They have all shown me a weakness in myself. It makes me more and more curious at how God works through the subconscious. I don't think these were just simple silly dreams. I know they have a meaning. And the timing of all of them has been interesting. I have let too many issues rest heavy on my heart. I think it is time I address them.