"To be human is to be beautifully flawed" - October Baby
I have never contemplated suicide.
I have never taken drugs.
I have never used alcohol to alter my emotions.
I have spent hours curled in a ball in uncontrollable pain.
I have rejected the people that care the most for me.
I have slandered the name of God.
Most important than anything else is that I am redeemed. I am made beautiful, not by my actions, not by my hopes or aspirations and definitely not by my, non-existent, inherent wisdom. I am just a child.
I am human
People can't relate. I can't relate to others that have gone through similar pain. I don't have words to say, but I have first hand experience. How can that be? What help did I need? I cried out in misery, I cried out for assistance, I wanted to be understood.
It was in that moment of pure desperation that I found fully renewing peace. I cried out "Lord, hold onto me and never let go!" And He did. He held my heart to softly and crushed my fears. My God, my loving and righteous Father, gave me comfort. A comfort I will never ever deserve. A peace that truly does surpass understanding.
I finally understood that everything that happened to me was in His will. Dad was gone for a reason. I was here for a reason. For a reason I didn't deserve. I realized that what I deserved most was to be cast away like a dirty rag. But God has made me beautiful and pure. Not for me, but for His Glory. From a harsh and bitter state He pulled me through and renewed my spirit.
I was never afraid
Of the darkness again
My burns were third-degree
But I'd been set free
Cuz grace had finally found its way
A high-speed collision gave a new sense of sight
And now my vision can render the scene
A blurry image of wreckage and roadside debris
Happiness returned to me through a grave emergency