This one moment when you know you're not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you're listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment I swear, we are infinite.
I'm a romantic. In the "perfect love story" sense. But mostly in the "perfect ending" sense. I love stories that come together and causes your senses to warm in a rush of grateful peace. I love movies that have tumultuous story-lines staring torn, emotionally charged characters. I love feeling the true pain the character goes through. I want to cry with them. And I felt all of this in the movie Perk of Being a Wallflower. I don't suggest it as a good movie. I loved the overarching story but the impacts of the pagan world is all too apparent.
By the end of this movie I was immersed in the truly beautiful perspective of healing. The idea that we are not defined by a sad story hit me hard. I often feel like my life is just summed up by my past. I often feel like people see me for what they know I have been through. But I am not a sad story. I have been shaped and molded by these events. They alone do not explain who I am. And most importantly, they do not dictate my relationships.
By the end of this movie I was immersed in the truly beautiful perspective of healing. The idea that we are not defined by a sad story hit me hard. I often feel like my life is just summed up by my past. I often feel like people see me for what they know I have been through. But I am not a sad story. I have been shaped and molded by these events. They alone do not explain who I am. And most importantly, they do not dictate my relationships.
I am alive
I have a soul
I have emotions
I have character
I have passions
I have ideals
I have a soul
I have emotions
I have character
I have passions
I have ideals
It is very easy for me to be convinced that everyone in my life is only there because they pity me. I have often convinced myself that I only know the people I do because Dad's death was an introduction into their lives. I hate that feeling. The worst feeling is thinking that all of your friendships fall apart because they love you gave was not reciprocated because the individual's feelings were only based in pity.
I do often feel that way. But that doesn't mean that those thoughts are founded on any kind of truth. It is the fragile, emotionally motivated thoughts of a naive girl. I remind myself of just how incredible my friends are. Some have left and some I have only known for a few months. All friends aren't meant to stay for a lifetime. And instead of feeling rejection I need to be thankful for the time that we had. That is one large thing I regret about debate in high school. I kept Dad's death a secret from most people. I didn't want my incapabilitys in debate to be pitied because of my past. I didn't want to be coddled. I wanted to stand on my first time reputation.
But most importantly, I, in and of myself will not be determined by my past. I don't want to have a constant perspective that I am a victim. I'm not. I am here to live a life defined by God. What happens in that life is there to form me, not to act as an excuse for my lack of abilities.
I do often feel that way. But that doesn't mean that those thoughts are founded on any kind of truth. It is the fragile, emotionally motivated thoughts of a naive girl. I remind myself of just how incredible my friends are. Some have left and some I have only known for a few months. All friends aren't meant to stay for a lifetime. And instead of feeling rejection I need to be thankful for the time that we had. That is one large thing I regret about debate in high school. I kept Dad's death a secret from most people. I didn't want my incapabilitys in debate to be pitied because of my past. I didn't want to be coddled. I wanted to stand on my first time reputation.
But most importantly, I, in and of myself will not be determined by my past. I don't want to have a constant perspective that I am a victim. I'm not. I am here to live a life defined by God. What happens in that life is there to form me, not to act as an excuse for my lack of abilities.