I have treated my enemy in a hateful way. I have slapped God in the face. I have refused to love the people around me. I have been a jerk.
In Romans 12 God tells us through Paul this:
"17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,”says the Lord."
We are sinful humans...this is true. But that isn't an excuse. I have been redeemed, for Christ gave up His life for me! He said that though we weren't worth it that He would save us from ourselves. I am dirt and He is snow. I am the prostitute that He loved. I am the blind that He healed. I am nothing....He is everything. This is the gospel.
I read though Romans 12 and remembered everything that I had done this last year that repaid evil for evil. I was not like Christ, I was like the His enemy. Then it hit me how important it is that I strive to be like Christ. This is essential. This is who I am called to be. I am Christ's and I am to be like Him.
Last night I had an awesome conversation with my close friend Hayden. And he challenged me on my stupidity when I said that I just couldn't help but want to be excepted and to make sure certain people wanted me in their lives....it was way more in depth than that. But all of it just made me think of how much I am such a sinful creature. Even when I was convincing myself that I wasn't in the wrong. That I didn't pick the fight and that I was just the victim. And yet...I was not acting the way I should. It doesn't matter how much I was hurt or what happens in my life, I am called to be His and that means doing what He would do.
We must be different....and if I can treat these people like Christ than maybe I can share the gospel too. This is my calling. And thank God that He has made me realize this now.