Today has been a weird day. It's almost been like I'm a camera who's lens is being focused on another subject. Each time it happens the poor lens slowly focuses. The poor lens just keeps pushing through even though it's had to focus a thousand times. This is one of those days that seems to be harder to refocus and readjust. There is way too much that has happened. And my head is swimming. Maybe I can sit and write my experiences as a way to relax (HA!).
The early years
There are no regrettable moments from my childhood. I love the way I was raised and the experience filled years I have to look back on. My parents were strict with my siblings and I. A kind of strict that fit our needs for the rampant type of kids that we were. In retrospect I can understand clearly why it was so beneficial for me to be disciplined the way I was. I was a blatant know-it-all who excelled in school but not social skills. I was an in-your-face rebellious child. Thank goodness for a loving savior and parents who brought me up in His wisdom.
Our family was always active. My Dad grew up spending his summers backpacking and motor biking around the northwest with his father and that lead to his love for the outdoors. He loved sharing those memories with us and making new ones. Many week-ends were spent exploring the Sierra Nevada's. So many wonderful family trips were spent camping out on an abandoned logging road in the back woods. These memories stick out to me more than anything else. It was on these trips that I learned to love my family and where I was taught how to cherish life. There is still nothing that makes me happier than spending hours in peaceful wonder of God's creation.
My siblings and I were also extremely inventive. I'm not sure my Mom can count on her fingers how many times she found us building legos cities in our rooms. We would always find a way to build a fort in our rooms or outside. One time we even came up with a way to joust on our bikes. I am still amazed that we never seriously injured ourselves in these adventures. I've always joked that our German bones just make us bounce off the ground. I fully believe that these were the years that taught me to work hard and to be diligent. Another thing that added to this was working with Dad on our pool cleaning business. Every Thursday I would go and work with him (I am such a pool nerd now). I was able to see what good work ethic looks like, I just wish I had half as much as he did.
The days spent working on the pool business still stick out as some of the best in my life. These are days that remind me just how important strong father-daughter relationships are. Dad and I had the chance to talk about anything under the sun. At 13 I jumped at the chance to talk with my Dad. So many of his answers to my questions have been a constant reminder of what Dad would have wanted in my life. Dads, if you're reading this, please seek out the many questions your daughter has for you. She needs you.
Needless to say, my growing up years were full of challenges, adventures and incredible trips with the most special people in my life.
Our family was always active. My Dad grew up spending his summers backpacking and motor biking around the northwest with his father and that lead to his love for the outdoors. He loved sharing those memories with us and making new ones. Many week-ends were spent exploring the Sierra Nevada's. So many wonderful family trips were spent camping out on an abandoned logging road in the back woods. These memories stick out to me more than anything else. It was on these trips that I learned to love my family and where I was taught how to cherish life. There is still nothing that makes me happier than spending hours in peaceful wonder of God's creation.
My siblings and I were also extremely inventive. I'm not sure my Mom can count on her fingers how many times she found us building legos cities in our rooms. We would always find a way to build a fort in our rooms or outside. One time we even came up with a way to joust on our bikes. I am still amazed that we never seriously injured ourselves in these adventures. I've always joked that our German bones just make us bounce off the ground. I fully believe that these were the years that taught me to work hard and to be diligent. Another thing that added to this was working with Dad on our pool cleaning business. Every Thursday I would go and work with him (I am such a pool nerd now). I was able to see what good work ethic looks like, I just wish I had half as much as he did.
The days spent working on the pool business still stick out as some of the best in my life. These are days that remind me just how important strong father-daughter relationships are. Dad and I had the chance to talk about anything under the sun. At 13 I jumped at the chance to talk with my Dad. So many of his answers to my questions have been a constant reminder of what Dad would have wanted in my life. Dads, if you're reading this, please seek out the many questions your daughter has for you. She needs you.
Needless to say, my growing up years were full of challenges, adventures and incredible trips with the most special people in my life.
The change
Through out my growing up years my Dad had had breathing problems that continued to become more severe the older he got. The doctors diagnosed him with asthma when I was a toddler. But even with these issues he was still the most hard working man I have ever known. He was a jack-of-all and the ultimate do-it-yourselfer.
In November of 2007 my Mom took Dad to the ER because he was having breathing problems. Over the years Dad had gone to the ER a few times and each time they would give him antibiotics and he would be okay in just a few hours. But that night, as we waited for Mom and Dad to come home, we knew something wasn't right. Mom wasn't calling and they had been gone for longer than normal. Around 2am my Mom came home with an elder from our church and his wife. They told us that Dad was worse off than was originally thought and they were keeping him there over night. Everyone thought that he would be okay to take home the next day. But that next morning he was worse. He had another attack that night and they told us that if he hadn't been at the hospital he would have died then. After that he was put into an induced coma for about two weeks. During this time we felt the full brunt of what a life without him would be like. It was horrible.
I can't tell more of the story without sharing with you the incredible servant from our church that took care of us in that time. There was never a time when I would go to the hospital and there wouldn't been open arms waiting to hug me. People would drop off meals. And one particular family went to Costco and got every kind of comfort food you can think of for us. They truly knew what would bring us peace. People from around the world were praying for us and sending us encouragement. Our church family enveloped us in love and comfort. I am still so thankful for everything they did for us. Nothing will ever make it up to them.
I will never forget the day that Dad came home from the hospital. I had been working all day with my brother and a friend on the pool cleaning route. Mom had kept us updated through texts so that we knew what was going on. The second I got home I went to find him. I have never been so happy to hug and kiss someone in my life. A flood of relief filled me. Everything seemed a little more right.
In November of 2007 my Mom took Dad to the ER because he was having breathing problems. Over the years Dad had gone to the ER a few times and each time they would give him antibiotics and he would be okay in just a few hours. But that night, as we waited for Mom and Dad to come home, we knew something wasn't right. Mom wasn't calling and they had been gone for longer than normal. Around 2am my Mom came home with an elder from our church and his wife. They told us that Dad was worse off than was originally thought and they were keeping him there over night. Everyone thought that he would be okay to take home the next day. But that next morning he was worse. He had another attack that night and they told us that if he hadn't been at the hospital he would have died then. After that he was put into an induced coma for about two weeks. During this time we felt the full brunt of what a life without him would be like. It was horrible.
I can't tell more of the story without sharing with you the incredible servant from our church that took care of us in that time. There was never a time when I would go to the hospital and there wouldn't been open arms waiting to hug me. People would drop off meals. And one particular family went to Costco and got every kind of comfort food you can think of for us. They truly knew what would bring us peace. People from around the world were praying for us and sending us encouragement. Our church family enveloped us in love and comfort. I am still so thankful for everything they did for us. Nothing will ever make it up to them.
I will never forget the day that Dad came home from the hospital. I had been working all day with my brother and a friend on the pool cleaning route. Mom had kept us updated through texts so that we knew what was going on. The second I got home I went to find him. I have never been so happy to hug and kiss someone in my life. A flood of relief filled me. Everything seemed a little more right.
I will praise you in the rain
In Romans 8:28 it reads "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." I never knew that at thirteen I would come to understand these words intimately.
Through out the end of November and through December of 2007 Dad plugged through with work and events. The attack Dad had in November lead to some brain damage and he was never the same. You could just tell that he wasn't all there. Those weeks were very difficult for him but we went on with life like normal. Even then I felt like I was going to lose him and so I made the most of our days on the pool route. We talked about the future and what his standards were for a young woman. They were truly the best days of my life and I will always cherish the memories.
On January 24th, 2008 Dad had another severe asthmatic attack. I had seen him just hours before when he came home for dinner. I remember thinking, as he left, that I should go and say goodbye. The fragility of life hit me hard after his last attack and I couldn't bare the thought of not seeing him again. But I decided to sit in my room instead of giving him a hug. Little did I know that later that evening he would be rushed to the hospital.
That second attack happened while my Dad was finishing up some work in Merced, CA. My little sister Paige was with him. As he walked out of the store he collapsed by his car. He was rushed off the to hospital as soon as the ambulance was able to get there. We were told when we got there that they had to restart his heart four time in the ambulance. We were told to say our goodbyes. I am so thankful for the nurses at the hospital who allowed us, against protocol, to see him that night. One thing I will never forget about those many days and nights with him in the hospital was the feeling of his hands. They were swollen and dry from the IV and medication he was taking but I never wanted to let go. I felt like it was the only thing I could do to keep him with me. The next five days were very difficult. Something in me had a feeling that Dad wasn't going to be with us for much longer. I had even had nightmares about him dying. I remember hugging a friend and saying that I didn't want him to die, he had to be at my wedding.
On the morning of January 28th, 2008 my sisters and I woke up to a call from my Mom. She told us to come to the hospital as soon as we could. Minutes later the alarm clock went off playing Steven Curtis Chapman's "Cinderella". It definitely made us feel somber. I think we all knew what was coming.
When we got there our pastor and mom told us that Dad had passed away that morning. I felt like crumbling to the floor. How can I even express to you now the kind of pain I felt that morning? Or the pain that has been with me since then? It's truly the worst thing that has ever happened to me. But, even through that day and those next years I knew that God was truly sovereign over everything and that my circumstances were not out of His control. I was numb for at least the first six months. So many things brought me to tears. Sunday's were one of those days that was the hardest. I couldn't help but cry in service.
I'm at a loss for how I can express everything that went through my mind in those first six months. My hope now is to continue these posts and to encourage you readers in your journeys. I want to tell you my stories in hope God can work through me. I know that I have this specific story for a reason and I need to tell it.
Through out the end of November and through December of 2007 Dad plugged through with work and events. The attack Dad had in November lead to some brain damage and he was never the same. You could just tell that he wasn't all there. Those weeks were very difficult for him but we went on with life like normal. Even then I felt like I was going to lose him and so I made the most of our days on the pool route. We talked about the future and what his standards were for a young woman. They were truly the best days of my life and I will always cherish the memories.
On January 24th, 2008 Dad had another severe asthmatic attack. I had seen him just hours before when he came home for dinner. I remember thinking, as he left, that I should go and say goodbye. The fragility of life hit me hard after his last attack and I couldn't bare the thought of not seeing him again. But I decided to sit in my room instead of giving him a hug. Little did I know that later that evening he would be rushed to the hospital.
That second attack happened while my Dad was finishing up some work in Merced, CA. My little sister Paige was with him. As he walked out of the store he collapsed by his car. He was rushed off the to hospital as soon as the ambulance was able to get there. We were told when we got there that they had to restart his heart four time in the ambulance. We were told to say our goodbyes. I am so thankful for the nurses at the hospital who allowed us, against protocol, to see him that night. One thing I will never forget about those many days and nights with him in the hospital was the feeling of his hands. They were swollen and dry from the IV and medication he was taking but I never wanted to let go. I felt like it was the only thing I could do to keep him with me. The next five days were very difficult. Something in me had a feeling that Dad wasn't going to be with us for much longer. I had even had nightmares about him dying. I remember hugging a friend and saying that I didn't want him to die, he had to be at my wedding.
On the morning of January 28th, 2008 my sisters and I woke up to a call from my Mom. She told us to come to the hospital as soon as we could. Minutes later the alarm clock went off playing Steven Curtis Chapman's "Cinderella". It definitely made us feel somber. I think we all knew what was coming.
When we got there our pastor and mom told us that Dad had passed away that morning. I felt like crumbling to the floor. How can I even express to you now the kind of pain I felt that morning? Or the pain that has been with me since then? It's truly the worst thing that has ever happened to me. But, even through that day and those next years I knew that God was truly sovereign over everything and that my circumstances were not out of His control. I was numb for at least the first six months. So many things brought me to tears. Sunday's were one of those days that was the hardest. I couldn't help but cry in service.
I'm at a loss for how I can express everything that went through my mind in those first six months. My hope now is to continue these posts and to encourage you readers in your journeys. I want to tell you my stories in hope God can work through me. I know that I have this specific story for a reason and I need to tell it.